SHUTTING DOWN MY CHURCH

I SPENT MOST OF 2008 CORRECTING THE ERROR THAT I HAD BEEN TEACHING MY CHURCH MEMBERS FOR TEN YEARS. A GOOD MANY OF THEM WERE UPSET AND LEFT, EVEN WHEN I WOULD MEET WITH THEM ONE ON ONE AND WALK THEM THROUGH THE SCRIPTURE TO SHOW THEM WHY THE WORD OF FAITH WAS WRONG.

I WOULD RE-TEACH THE SAME SCRIPTURES IN THEIR ORIGINAL SETTINGS AND CONTEXT BUT IT DIDN'T MATTER, THEY REFUSED TO SEE THE ERROR. THE FAITH MESSAGE OFFERS CONTROL, AND MY NEW TEACHING WAS TAKING THE CONTROL OUT OF THEIR HANDS.

ON WEDNESDAY NIGHTS I BEGAN TEACHING REFORMED THEOLOGY, ALSO KNOWN AS CALVINISM OR PRE-DESTINATION. THIS WAS THE EASIEST TEACHING THAT I HAD EVER DONE AS A PASTOR. INSTEAD OF HAVING TO SPIN THE SCRIPTURE TO MAKE THE FAITH MESSAGE FIT, THE DOCTRINES OF GOD'S SOVEREIGNTY WERE ALL OVER THE PLACE, IN CONTEXT AND OBVIOUSLY SOUND.

GRADUALLY THAT SAME YEAR, I BEGAN TO CHANGE MY TEACHING AND BELIEFS CONCERNING THE CHARISMATIC ELEMENTS OF THE FAITH MESSAGE, IN PARTICULAR SPEAKING IN TONGUES. THE MORE I STUDIED OBJECTIVELY AND PRAYED, THE MORE ERROR I FOUND IN THE CHARISMATIC MOVEMENT.

NATURALLY, MAKING A COMPLETE, RADICAL ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHTY DEGREE CHANGE IN DOCTRINE MADE A LOT OF WAVES AND WEEK BY WEEK FAMILIES AND INDIVIDUALS LEFT. I CAN'T REALLY BLAME THEM, AND I HOLD NO HARD FEELINGS AGAINST THEM, EXCEPT THAT SOME OF THEM NEVER GAVE ME A CHANCE TO HEAR ME OUT.

I CURRENTLY ATTEND A PCA PRESBYTERIAN CHURCH IN THE TOWN THAT I LIVE IN. TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST, IF MY PASTOR GOT UP SUNDAY MORNING AND STARTED TEACHING THE FAITH MESSAGE AND SPEAKING IN TONGUES, I WOULD BE THE FIRST ONE OUT THE DOOR! AT LIGHT SPEED, AND I WOULD NEVER RETURN!

AS ATTENDANCE BEGAN TO DWINDLE, SO DID THE TITHES AND OFFERINGS. BY THE SUMMER OF 2008, I WAS NO LONGER ABLE TO RECEIVE A SALARY. MY WIFE CONI HAD BEEN TRYING TO START A NEW CAREER IN THE HAIR STYLING INDUSTRY, AND HAD TO START LOOKING FOR A NURSING JOB AGAIN.

SOMEHOW I KEPT BELIEVING THAT GOD WOULD REPLACE THE CHURCH MEMBERS THAT LEFT WITH NEW ONES TO PICK UP THE SLACK. I EVEN CHANGED THE NAME OF THE CHURCH TO HILLSIDE BAPTIST, BUT IT DIDN'T DO ANY GOOD. NOTHING I TRIED FROM MY OLD BAG OF TRICKS AND CRAZY IDEAS SEEMED TO WORK. HERE WE WERE IN AN EXPENSIVE NEW BUILDING, THE ECONOMY WAS CRASHING, GAS WAS OVER $4 A GALLON, AND THE FOLKS HAD QUIT GIVING.

ONE OF THE FIRST THINGS THAT I HAD TO CUT WAS OUR MISSIONARIES. THE CHURCH HAD BEEN SUPPORTING SEVERAL MISSIONARIES IN AFRICA AND ASIA WITH FULL-TIME SALARIES. I HAD TO LAY EVERYONE OF THEM OFF. THAT WAS A BIG BLOW TO MY HEART BECAUSE THOSE MISSIONARIES WERE WORKING SO HARD TO REACH VARIOUS PEOPLE GROUPS WITH THE GOSPEL.

BY THE TIME THE FALL HAD ARRIVED, ABOUT HALF OF MY CHURCH MEMBERS HAD QUIT, ALL OF MY PASTORAL STAFF HAD QUIT EXCEPT FOR ONE, MY BOARD OF DIRECTORS AND QUIT ALONG WITH SEVERAL DEACONS. ONE WEDNESDAY NIGHT THE OFFERING BROUGHT IN JUST $20, AND CONI HAD GIVEN TEN OF THAT.

THAT NIGHT SOME OF THE DEACONS HELD A MEETING WITH ME. I HAD ALREADY HAD A DREAM ABOUT IT. IN MY DREAM, THE DEACONS HAD KICKED OPEN MY OFFICE DOOR, THREW A BLANKET OVER ME, AND BEAT ME UP. WELL, THAT IS BASICALLY WHAT HAPPENED IN THE MEETING THAT NIGHT. THE DEACONS WANTED TO CLOSE THE DOORS OF THE CHURCH AND SELL IT.

I WENT HOME AND BROKE THE NEWS TO CONI. SHE WAS OVERJOYED! BEING THE PASTOR OF A CHARISMATIC WORD OF FAITH CHURCH HAD TAKEN ITS TOLL ON THE WHOLE FAMILY. DAY AFTER DAY, WEEK AFTER WEEK OF DEALING WITH CHURCH DRAMA, CHURCH POLITICS AND THE STRESS OF THE LIFESTYLE HAD WORN US OUT.

MY WIFE BEGGED ME TO QUIT. SHE WANTED OUT. DEEP INSIDE I WANTED OUT TOO. I WAS TERRIBLE BURNED OUT, WOUNDED, EMOTIONALLY DRAINED AND STRESSED OUT LIKE NEVER BEFORE. HAVING STARTED A CHURCH FROM SCRATCH, BURYING A DAUGHTER, EXPERIENCING THE UPS AND DOWNS OF PASTORING A CHURCH THAT WAS A REVOLVING DOOR, DOING FUNERALS, MARRIAGE COUNSELING AND CHANGING MY ENTIRE BELIEF SYSTEM HAD BROKEN ME.

WE FIGURED OUT, BASED ON CHURCH MEMBERSHIP RECORDS AND TITHING RECORDS, THAT WE HAD PASTORED APPROXIMATELY THREE THOUSAND PEOPLE IN THE CLAY-TRUSSVILLE COMMUNITY OVER THE PREVIOUS TEN YEARS. THAT IS A LOT OF FOLKS COMING AND GOING. EVERY TIME A MEMBER LEFT, FOR WHATEVER REASON, TORE MY GUTS UP. TO ME IT WAS LIKE GETTING DUMPED BY A GIRLFRIEND. IT WAS ALWAYS PAINFUL AND GUT WRENCHING TO HAVE PEOPLE LEAVE.

THE STRESS PASTORING A CHURCH, THE PRESSURE OF A BUILDING PROGRAM, AND THE TURMOIL OF CHANGING MY TEACHING WHILE PEOPLE I LOVED LEFT IN DROVES EVENTUALLY DROVE ME TO DRINKING. I STARTED DRINKING EVERY NIGHT UNTIL I PASSED OUT. IT WAS THE ONLY THING THAT MADE ME FEEL GOOD, AND THE ONLY WAY THAT I COULD SLEEP. I HAD NO FRIENDS LEFT, MY VISION WAS DYING, AND EVERYTHING THAT I HAD BELIEVED IN WAS GONE.

THE NEXT SUNDAY I ANNOUNCED TO THE CHURCH THAT I WAS GOING TO SELL THE BUILDING AND TAKE A BREAK FROM PASTORING. AMAZINGLY, I WAS VERY SURPRISED AT HOW MANY OF THE REMAINING SIXTY OF SO CHURCH MEMBERS CAME UP TO ME AND EXPRESSED THEIR GRATITUDE AT CHANGE IN MY TEACHING. I EVEN HAD A FEW PEOPLE TELL ME THAT THEY NEVER BOUGHT INTO THE FAITH MESSAGE IN THE FIRST PLACE, BUT JUST ATTENDED MY CHURCH BECAUSE THEY KNEW I CARED ABOUT THEM.

BUT FOR THE MOST PART, IT SEEMED LIKE THE GENERAL MOOD AND CONSENSUS OF THE CHURCH FOLKS WAS TO SHUT IT DOWN. I WOULD HAVE NEVER QUIT, BUT I FELT LIKE GOD AND EVERYTHING ELSE WAS AGAINST ME. TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, EVEN THOUGH I KNEW BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT I WAS RIGHT, I DID FEEL ABANDONED BY GOD AND FORSAKEN.

IT ONLY TOOK ME A FEW DAYS TO FIND ANOTHER CHURCH TO RENT THE BUILDING AND MAKE THE PAYMENTS, AND WE HAD OUR LAST SERVICE IN OCTOBER, ALMOST A YEAR TO THE DAY FROM WHEN WE HAD HAD OUR GRAND OPENING IN THE NEW BUILDING. LEAVING THE CHURCH THAT DAY, I FELT LIKE THE WEIGHT OF THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE HAD BEEN LIFTED OFF OF MY SHOULDERS. I ALSO FELT LIKE I HAD DIED INSIDE.